I miss you.
I miss your company.
I miss your touch.
I miss the happy moments we spend together.
I went to serveral places that we have been to during the weekends. From bedok jetty to labardor park and Mt Faber. From Coffee Club at Marina Sq to TCC at city link. And when I was there, I saw images of us together, the happy times during the relationship.
But all that is left now are just memories.
I know it is very hard to change you when your mind is set. But I really don't want to see this relationship end just like this. I really hope we could talk things out and make things work. I really wish we could be together again.
I pondered for the longest time just now before I finally message you on MSN. I told you that I miss you and that I pass by bedok jetty during the weekend. But you said I wouldn't had said those words if I didn't pass by the place.
How do I let you know that I miss you all these while?
How do I let you know that I could had avoided going to bedok jetty?
How do I let you know that I purposely go to those places to relive the happy memories?
We quarrel on MSN again. Just like when we were together, we always quarrel whenever I bring up an issue that we don't see eye to eye. I really don't want to quarrel. All I wanted is to talk things out. Yet we always held strongly to our beliefs and grounds that there is no space to make a compromise. Why do we always have to hold on to our ground so tightly? I really don't want to quarrel anymore. We had quarreled enough already. I'm tired. I know you are too.
I just wish we could be together again.
I told you that I've been missing you all these while. But you told me the problem is, you don't miss me at all. Do you know how hurtful those words are? I don't remember ever feeling such pain before. Its like something trying to rip my heart from inside out. Something that is inside my heart is bitting me. And I asked myself, why did I open my heart to let you in and launch such a painful attack in the first place? It really hurts a lot. Yet it mean nothing to you now when I'm in pain.
Everything I've said before become a weapon to hurt me even further. I could rebut every conclusion that you made from the words that I've said. But I didn't. Not because what you conclude is true, but because I know the more I rebut, there worst the quarrel will be. And no matter how I rebut, you still stand by your assumption and nothing I said could change what you think. In the end, I still can't proof anything. We will only end up quarreling even more.
Why must we always end up quarreling?
I said sorry for causing the quarrel. But you told me not to say sorry if I don't mean it. I don't know what makes you feel that I don't mean it. Everytime when we quarrel, I always say sorry. I'm sorry for cauing the quarrel. I'm sorry to make you unhappy. I'm sorry to make you cry. I really meant sorry when I say it. But how do I make you know that I really mean it? I really don't know.
It hurts to break up. It hurts even more to know that I'm powerless. Nothing I can do can bring you back. I feel so helpless. There are just too many differences. Some of them which we identified since the start. Yet they are still there until today. Unresolved. It is not that I didn't try to resolve it. But I couldn't do it by myself. I need your help too. But there isn't any.
I am tired too. But I still refuse to give up. I thought we could make it together if we put in more effort and work out the differences. I just wanted more time to work things out. But we end up quarreling again instead of trying to work things out.
I really tried. But I'm helpless now. Can somebody tell me what can I do to savage this relationship? I really don't know.
Today is the 11th of the month. If we were still together, today would be the 5th month. On this day every month, I would delicate a song to you on my blog. Every song has its meaning and a special message that I want to said to you. But I never had the chance to said it.
But I guess they mean nothing to you now.
At last, I cried. All the pain and sadness that has been bottled up inside me for the past few weeks finally get released thru these tears. I always said that tears are comforting because they give warmth to the face when they flow across your cheek. They always do. Its very comforting. I miss you so.
I haven't cried so hard for a long time......